Library › St John of Kronstadt › My Life in Christ

My Life in Christ

St John of Kronstadt, tr. Goulaeff, 1897

Part 1, 11. pp. 201–220

A certain person who was sick unto death from inflammation of the bowels for nine days, without having obtained the slightest relief from medical aid, as soon as he had communicated of the Holy Sacrament, upon the morning of the ninth day, regained his health, and rose from his bed of sickness in the evening of the same day. He received the Holy Communion with firm faith. I prayed to the Lord to cure him. “Lord,” said I, “heal Thy servant of his sickness. He is worthy, therefore grant him this. He loves Thy priests, and sends them his gifts.” I also prayed for him in church before the altar of the Lord, at the Liturgy, during the prayer: “Thou Who hast given us grace at this time, with one accord to make our common supplication unto Thee,” and before the most Holy Mysteries themselves. I prayed in the following words: “Lord, our life! It is as easy for Thee to cure every malady as it is for me to think of healing. It is as easy for Thee to raise every man from the dead as it is for me to think of the possibility of the resurrection from the dead. Cure, then, Thy servant Basil of his cruel malady, and do not let him die; do not let his wife and children be given up to weeping.” And the Lord graciously heard, and had mercy upon him, although he was within a hair’s-breadth of death. Glory to Thine omnipotence and mercy, that Thou, Lord, hast vouchsafed to hear me!

The heart can change several times in one moment — to good or evil, to faith or unbelief, to simplicity or cunning, to love or hatred, to benevolence or envy, to generosity or avarice, to chastity or fornication. O, what inconstancy! O, how many dangers! O, how sober and watchful we must be!

Do not rejoice when your countenance is bright from pleasant food and drink, because then the inward face of your soul is hideous and deadly, and at that time the words of the Saviour Christ are applicable to you: “For ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which, indeed, appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones”¹ — that is, of hypocrisy and iniquity.

How many times already, O Master, Lord Jesus, hast Thou renewed my nature, heedlessly corrupted by my sins! There is no measure and number to this. How many times hast Thou saved me from the furnace burning within me, from the furnace of many and diverse passions, from the abyss of despondency and despair! How many times hast Thou renewed my depraved heart, when only I have called upon Thy Name with faith! How many times hast Thou accomplished this through the life-giving Holy Sacrament! O Lord! in truth there is no number and measure of Thy mercies unto me, a sinner. What shall I offer to Thee, or what can I render unto Thee for Thine innumerable benefits to me, Jesus, my life and my lightness? May I be prudent in my ways, according to Thy grace; for “blessed are those that are undefiled in the way,”² as Thou hast said, through the Holy Ghost, by the mouth of our forefather, David. I will endeavour to be faithful unto Thee, to be humble, meek, not irritable, gentle, forbearing, industrious, merciful, generous, not covetous, obedient.

Alms-giving is good and salutary when to it is united the amendment of the heart from pride, malice, envy, slothfulness, indolence, gluttony, fornication, falsehood, deceitfulness, and other sins. But if the man is not careful to amend his heart, trusting only to his alms, then he will obtain but little benefit from them, for he builds with one hand and destroys with the other.

The children Paul and Olga, by the infinite mercy of the Lord, in accordance with mine unworthy prayer, have been cured of the spirit of infirmity by which they were attacked. In the case of the child Paul, his malady passed away through sleep, and the child Olga became quiet in spirit, and her little face grew bright instead of dark and troubled. Nine times I went to pray with bold trust, hoping my trust might not be shamed; that to him that knocketh it would be opened; that even on account of my importunity, God would fulfil my requests; that if the unjust judge at last satisfied the woman who troubled him, then still more the Judge of all, the most righteous Judge, would satisfy my sinful prayer for the innocent children; that He would consider my labour, my intercession, my prayerful words, my kneeling, my boldness, my trust in Him. And the Lord did so; He did not cover me, a sinner, with shame. I came for the tenth time to their home, and the children were well. I gave thanks unto the Lord and to our most speedy Mediatrix.

“That they all may be one, as Thou, Father, art in me, and I in Thee, that they also may be one in us.”³ What separates us from God and each other? Money, food, and drink — this dust, this dross, this corruption. Why? Because we have not living Christian trust and faith in God. We do not know, or we forget, that man’s true life is love for God and his neighbour. Setting our life upon dust and trusting in it, we do not render to the Heavenly Father the glory that is due to Him, by putting our whole trust in Him, by casting all our care upon Him, as His faithful children in Christ should do. “If then I be a Father, where is Mine honour?”⁴ Where is your trust in Me? Where is your love for Me? Where is your detachment from earthly, corrupt things, and your hearty desire for the heavenly, spiritual, and eternal ones?

While I live, then the flesh is mine own, because my spirit lives in it; but when I die, the flesh is no longer mine, but belongs to God and to the earth: “The earth is the Lord’s and all that therein is.”⁵ “For dust thou art and unto dust shalt thou return.”⁶ “Whoso eateth My flesh and drinketh My blood.”⁷ These words also signify that I myself wholly dwell in these two forms of the Communion — in the flesh and blood; that they are mine by their close association with me, as the flesh and blood of the man, with the soul of the man dwelling in them; for the soul penetrates all the body and all the blood.

How many times death entered into my heart, communicating its beginning to the body also an innumerable number of times! And yet the Lord delivered me from this state of death, was merciful to me with unspeakable mercy, and gave me new life. O, how full of gratitude to the Lord my heart should be! “If the Lord had not helped me, it had not failed, but my soul had been put to silence.”⁸

Our flesh becomes depressed and downcast when it is subjected to any infirmities; whilst when it is in good health and enjoys carnal pleasures, then it rejoices, leaps, and gets beyond itself. We must pay no attention to the delusive feelings of the flesh, and, in general, must disdain every carnal amusement and delight; we must bear with equanimity the afflictions and maladies of the flesh, take courage and set our trust upon God.

Why is impatience in some small, unimportant matter, one single movement of the heart towards impatience, already a sin and is immediately inwardly punished? Likewise, why is every momentary movement of the heart towards sin considered as a sin and immediately punished? Because impatience in a small matter is an earnest of impatience in great and important matters; for the soul of man is incomplex, and one single inclination of the heart towards sin is already a sin. And therefore, as every small, unimportant sin leads to great ones, it is always punished at its very beginning and must be crushed. “Thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.”⁹ And how great are these many things! “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.”¹⁰

When praying, endeavour by every means to feel in your heart the truth and the power of the words of the prayer; feed yourself upon them as upon an imperishable food; water your heart with them as with a dew; and warm yourself by them as by means of a beneficial fire.

The Lord is everything to me: He is the strength of my heart and the light of my intellect. He inclines my heart to everything good; He strengthens it; He also gives me good thoughts; He is my rest and my joy; He is my faith, hope and love; He is my food and drink, my raiment, my dwelling place. As a mother is everything to her infant — its mind, will, sight, hearing, taste, smelling and feeling, as well as its food and drink, its clothing, hands and feet — so, likewise, the Lord is everything to me, when I yield myself wholly unto Him. But, alas! when I fall away from the Lord, then the Devil enters into me, and if I did not turn my heart’s gaze towards the Lord, did I not, amidst the enemy’s oppression, call upon the Lord for help, then the Devil would have been, as he sometimes is, very evil to me: malice, despondency, perfect feebleness towards everything good, despair, hatred, envy, avarice, blasphemous, wicked and impure thoughts, contempt for everything — in short, he would have been, and sometimes is, my intellect, my will, sight, hearing, taste, smell, feeling, my hands and feet. Therefore, put your trust in the Lord. He is that which is, infinite in holiness, omnipotence, grace, mercy, bountifulness, and wisdom.

When your flesh suffers through maladies, remember that it is the greatest enemy of your salvation that suffers, that is weakened by these sufferings, and bear them bravely in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, Who for our sakes endured the cross and suffered death; also, remember that all our maladies are God’s punishment for sins; they cleanse us, they reconcile us with God and lead us back to His love. Grant us “Thy peace,” it is said, “and Thy love, as Thou hast granted us all things.” Remember, that during your illness the Lord Himself is with you (“I am with him in trouble”¹¹); that it has proceeded from a sign of the Master, punishing us as a father. You who believe in the time of your welfare, see that you do not fall away from God in the time of misfortune, but, like the martyrs, be constant in faith, hope, and love.

God is an incomplex, most perfect Being, that is, the purest holiness, the purest good and truth; and in order to be in union with God, in order to be one spirit with Him (for we are from Him), we must acquire, through His grace, the most perfect simplicity of goodness, holiness, and love. All the saints who are in heaven were cleansed by the blood of the Son of God, through the Holy Ghost, and have not a shadow of sin in them. It was for this that they struggled in this life, that they mortified their flesh in order to cleanse themselves “from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God,”¹² in order to become eternally united with that most glorious Being; it is for this reason also that the Holy Church with all her institutions now exists upon earth, the hierarchy, the Divine services, the sacraments, the rites; fasts were likewise appointed in order to cleanse and sanctify the children of God, in order to unite them with that most blessed Being, glorified in the Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

You ask the Lord that you may love Him with a love, strong as death, or until death. Suppose, now, that the Lord sends you a terrible inward disease that may bring you nigh unto death itself. Do not, then, murmur against the Lord, but bear it bravely, thanking the Lord for His fatherly visitation, and this will show that what you call your love for God is strong as death. And during the most violent fits or spasms of your illness trust in God, that He has the power to save you, not only from suffering, but even from death itself, should it please Him to do so. Do not spare, do not cherish your perishable body, but give it up willingly and wholly to the Lord, as Abraham gave his son Isaac as an holocaust, to the will of the Lord Who punishes you — not losing faith in God’s goodness, not growing despondent, not foolishly accusing God of injustice for so severely chastising you — and you will thus offer a great sacrifice unto God, like Abraham or like the martyrs.

Let that which tranquillises my thoughts and my heart be committed to writing as a memorial to me of the constant peace of my heart amidst the cares and vanities of life. What is it? It is the Christian saying, full of living trust and wonderful soothing power: “The Lord is everything to me.” This is the priceless treasure! This is the precious jewel, possessing which we can be calm in every condition, rich in poverty, generous and kind to other people in the time of our wealth, and not losing hope even after having sinned. “The Lord is everything to me.” He is my faith, my trust, my love, my strength, my power, my peace, my joy, my riches, my food, my drink, my raiment, my life, in a word, mine all. Thus, man, the Lord is everything to you; and you must be everything to the Lord. And, as all your treasure is contained in your heart and in your will, and God requires from you your heart, having said: “My son, give Me thine heart,”¹³ therefore, in order to fulfil God’s gracious and perfect will, renounce your own corrupt, passionate, seductive, will; do not know your own will, know only God’s will. “Not my will, but Thy will be done.”

There is absolutely nothing for a Christian to be proud of in accomplishing works of righteousness, for he is saved, and is being constantly saved, from every evil through faith alone, in the same manner as he accomplishes works of righteousness also by the same faith. “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that (faith itself) not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast.”¹⁴ So that no one can be proud of anything.

It is only when we pray fervently, only then that we feel calm, warm, at ease, and bright in soul, because then we are with God and in God; but as soon as we cease thus praying, then temptations and various troubles begin. O, most blessed time of prayer!

Love for God begins to manifest itself and act in us when we begin to love our neighbour as ourselves, and not to spare either ourselves or anything belonging to us for him, as the image of God; when we endeavour to serve him for his salvation in everything that we can; when, for the sake of pleasing God, we refuse to gratify our appetites, our carnal vision, our carnal wisdom, which is not subjected to the wisdom of God. “For he that loveth not his brother, whom he hath seen, how can he love God, Whom he hath not seen?”¹⁵“They that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh, with the affections and lusts.”¹⁶

Ask the Lord for whatever you desire. God the Father has but to desire to accomplish your request. The Son, the Creator; and the Holy Ghost, the Accomplisher, being always with Him and in Him, as He Himself is in Them, are always ready to accomplish the desire of the Almighty and All-good Father; for They Themselves are one with Him in goodness and omnipotence.

You ought not to keep God’s gifts to yourself, but should diffuse them upon others. Nature herself is an example to you; the sun does not keep the light to itself, but diffuses it upon the earth and moon. Pastors especially ought not to keep their — or, rather, God’s — light to themselves, but should abundantly diffuse the light of their intelligence and knowledge upon others.

With what are our hearts occupied? God, “Who trieth the very hearts and reins,”¹⁷ sees what each one of us has in his heart, to what it is attached during the greater part of life; and if the Lord had given us the capability of seeing all the depths of the human heart, then our eyes would have turned away with horror from the mass of impurities within: adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies, pride, and others. What abomination we should have beheld: the abomination of ingratitude to God, of forgetfulness of God, of unbelief, of little faith, of manifold attachments to earthly things, often the most absurd ones, of carelessness for heavenly things, of our own lot after death, of inattention and neglect of the Church, of her services, rites, and institutions, of contempt for the clergy, the representatives of religion and the Church, and every other abomination!

It is impossible to represent and to think of the cross without love. Where the cross is, there is love; in the church you see crosses everywhere and upon everything, in order that everything should remind you that you are in the temple of the God of love, in the temple of love itself, crucified for us.

People say that if you feel no inclination to pray, it is better not to pray; but this is crafty, carnal sophistry. If you only pray when you are inclined to, you will completely cease praying; this is what the flesh desires. “The Kingdom of Heaven suffereth violence.”¹⁸ You will not be able to work out your salvation without forcing yourself.

In educating, it is extremely dangerous to only develop the understanding and intellect, and not pay attention to the heart. We must, above all, pay attention to the heart, for the heart is life, but life corrupted by sin. It is necessary to purify this source of life, to kindle in it the pure flame of life, so that it should burn and not be extinguished; and should direct all the thoughts, desires, and tendencies of the man through all his life. Society is corrupted precisely through the want of Christian education. It is time that Christians should understand the Lord, should understand what He requires of us; namely, a pure heart. “Blessed are the pure in heart.”¹⁹ Listen to His sweetest voice in the Gospel. The true life of our heart is Christ (“Christ liveth in me”²⁰). Let all of you learn wisdom of the Apostle. This should be our common problem: to bring Christ to dwell in our hearts through faith.

These hands, that like to take gifts, shall be folded upon the breast and shall take no more; these feet, that like to walk for evil, and that do not like to stand in prayer, shall be stretched out for ever, and shall not go anywhere more; these eyes, that look enviously upon the prosperity of their neighbour, shall close, their fire shall be dimmed for ever, and nothing shall charm them again; the hearing, so often open to listen with pleasure to evil speaking and calumny, shall be deadened, and no thunders even will be audible to it. It shall only hear the trumpet raising the dead, when our incorruptible body shall rise, either “unto the resurrection of life or unto the resurrection of damnation.”²¹ What, then, will live in us, even after our death, and what should be the object of all our care during our present life? That which we now call the heart, that is, the inward man, our soul; it should be the object of our solicitude. Cleanse your heart during all your life, so that it, or your soul, may be capable of seeing God afterwards; only care for your body and its requirements as much as is necessary for maintaining its health, power, and decency. It will all die; the earth will bear it all away. Strive, therefore, to perfect within you that which loves and hates, that which is calm or disturbed, which rejoices or grieves — that is, your heart or your inward man, which thinks and reasons through your intellect.

Men throughout all their earthly life see everything but Christ, the life-giver; this is why they have no spiritual life, this is why they are given to every passion: unbelief, want of faith, covetousness, envy, hatred, ambition, the pleasures of eating and drinking. It is only at the close of their life that they seek Christ through the Holy Communion, and even this out of crying necessity and as a custom usual amongst others. O Christ, our God, our Life and Resurrection! How low have we fallen in our vanity, how blind have we become! But how would it have been with us had we always sought Thee, had we always had Thee in our hearts? The tongue cannot express the bliss which those experience who have Thee in their hearts! Unto them Thou art strengthening food, inexhaustible drink, shining raiment, the sun, “the peace which passeth all understanding,”²² unutterable joy, and everything. Possessing Thee, all earthly things become dust and corruption.

“It is the Spirit that quickeneth.”²³ It is to the Spirit of the Lord in creatures that their animation belongs, since the time of their creation, and to the Son of God their creation, the bringing of them into existence from nonexistence. This is also how the Body and the Blood of Christ are transubstantiated by the Holy Ghost from the bread and wine, in the same manner as a body was created by the Holy Ghost in the womb of the Most-pure Virgin from Her blood. The Holy Ghost creates us in the womb of our mother; it is to the Spirit of God that we owe our spiritual blessings.

The kingdom of life and the kingdom of death go side by side. I say go, because they are spiritual. The Chief of the first — that is, of the kingdom of life — is Jesus Christ, and those who are with Christ are undoubtedly in the kingdom of life; the chief of the second — that is, of the kingdom of death — is the prince of the powers of the air — the Devil, with the spirits of evil subject to him, of which there are so many that their number far exceeds the number of all men dwelling upon earth. These children of death, the subjects of the prince of the air, are in constant stubborn warfare with the children of life — that is, with faithful Christians — and strive by every crafty means to win them over to their side, through the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, because sin and crime are their elements, and through sins, if we do not repent of them, we pass over to their side; whilst those to whom sins form as though an every-day requirement, who drink in iniquity like water, are not disturbed by the spirits of evil, because they already belong to them as long as they live carelessly in regard to their souls. But as soon as they turn to God, acknowledging their sins, both voluntary and involuntary, the war bursts forth, and the hordes of Satan rise up and carry on an unceasing fight. You see by this how necessary it is to seek Christ, as the Chief of the kingdom of life, and the Conqueror of hell and death.

Every affliction and oppression arises either from want of faith or from some passion concealing itself within the man, or from some other impurity visible to the Almighty, and shows that the Devil is in the heart, and that Christ is not in the heart. Christ is the peace, the freedom, and the ineffable light of the soul.

The air, the blowing of the wind, the breathing of creatures in the material world correspond to the spirits in the spiritual world, and to the uncreated, all life-giving Spirit of God itself. This is why the Spirit manifested itself as “a rushing mighty wind,”²⁴ this is why also the Saviour compares “the breathing of the Spirit in the souls of those who are born of the Spirit,”²⁵ to the blowing of wind. In the material world there are many things that correspond to those of the spiritual world, because the material world is also the creation of the Spirit; and cannot the creating Spirit in part show His image and His affinity in the creatures created by Him? Man is only the highest possible image of God amongst creatures, partakers of matter and purely material.

Kissing with the lips corresponds to kissing with the soul; and when we kiss holy things, we ought to kiss them with the soul and heart as well as the lips.

The Lord rules wonderfully and mightily over material worlds by means of His wisdom, by means of His word. As the particles of the body of an animal, of a tree, of grass, of stone are held together by cohesion, so all the worlds are held together by the powers and laws laid in them. As the soul carries the body and gives life to it, so also God carries the world, giving life to it through His Holy Spirit; it is not without reason that a man is called a little world.

What an insignificant cobweb the world must be to God! What an insignificant cobweb is my body! And yet all is wisdom in every point of matter, and all stands only by wisdom, by the eternal laws of wisdom. O, wisdom, wisdom! We all owe our being to thee, to thy merciful Author! My death, my decomposition or destruction, clearly proves what an insignificant cobweb thou hast in me.

Glory to Thee, life-giving Father, life-giving Son, and life-giving Holy Ghost, incomplex Being — God; ever saving us from the spiritual death caused to our soul by passions. Glory to Thee, Lord, in three persons, who enlightenest the dark face of our soul and body, and bestowest upon us Thy peace, which exceeds every earthly and physical good, and surpasses all understanding.

Pray without ceasing, calling upon the name of the life-giving Trinity in order that your soul should not be suddenly overwhelmed by any passion, pride, or envy, or malice and hatred, or avarice, or covetousness, or gluttony, or anger and irritability, or harsh judgment or scorn, or falsehood and calumny, or any such passion; for we walk amongst snares every hour, every minute of our life. Let the eyes of your heart be on guard every hour, every minute. Let your heart be watchful, not only during the day, but also during the night, in accordance with the Scripture. “I sleep, but my heart waketh.”²⁶

We must love our neighbour still more when he sins against God, or against ourselves, because then he is sick, because then he is in spiritual misfortune, in danger; then, especially, we must have compassion upon him, pray for him, and apply to his heart a healing plaster — a word of kindness, instruction, reproval, consolation, forgiveness, love. “Forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”²⁷ All sins and passions, quarrels and disputes, are truly spiritual diseases; that is how we must look upon them. Or, all passions are a fire of the soul, a great fire, raging inwardly; a fire proceeding from the abyss of hell. It must be extinguished by the water of love, which is strong enough to extinguish every infernal flame of malice and of other passions. But woe and misfortune to us, to our self-love, if we increase this flame by a fresh infernal flame, by our own malice and irritability, and thus make ourselves the assistants of the spirits of evil, ever endeavouring to inflame the souls of men by means of many and various passions. If we do so, we ourselves shall deserve the fire of Gehenna; and if we do not repent, and do not become in future wise unto good and simple unto evil, then we shall be condemned, together with the Devil and his angels, to torments in the lake of fire. Therefore, do not let us be overcome of evil, but let us overcome evil with good. How accursed are we men! How is it that we have not yet learned to consider every sin as a great misfortune for our soul, and not to pity, heartily, sincerely, lovingly, those who fall into such a misfortune. Why do we not flee from it as from poison, as from a serpent? Why do we linger in it? Why have we no pity upon ourselves, too, when we are subjected to any sin? Why do we not weep before the Lord, who created us?

The Lord allows us to be tossed by various passions in this life in order that we may hate these passions with all our heart, that we may look upon everything earthly as nothing, however precious and pleasant it may appear, and that we may long with all our hearts for God alone, the source of tranquillity and life, may cling to Him alone, may value Him before everything, His holy will, His peace and joy.

You feel straitened upon earth from all sides. Everything betrays you; your relations, friends, acquaintances, riches, the pleasures of the senses, your own body; all the elements — earth, water, fire, air, light — play you false. Cling, therefore, to God alone, “with Whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning,”²⁸ Who alone is Love.

It is remarkable that some irritable people, after an agony of violent and prolonged anger, and after having experienced all its torments, become, as they say, silky, meek, and peaceable. The same applies to the other passions. The Lord Himself has pointed out that their punishment lies in themselves — in their extreme agony. Pride, envy, hatred, avarice, covetousness — all are thus punished. Each passion is its own tormentor, and at the same time the executioner of each man possessed with it.

“Follow peace with all men, and holiness; without which no man shall see the Lord.”²⁹ Do not break peace for the sake of anything perishable and transitory, for the sake of your sinful self-love. Love peace above everything — as the Lord Himself. Let nothing be dearer than peace and mutual love. Let us love peace — peace, peace!

The human soul is a free power, for it can become either a power for good or evil, according to the direction which you yourself give it. Lord, Almighty Power! strengthen mine infirm soul in every virtue! Stablish my heart, weak for everything good, upon the immovable rock of Thy commandments! Lord, I daily recognise, through experience, that without Thee I myself am nothing; that without Thee I can do no good; without Thee evil in its various forms is alone within me: without Thee I am the son of perdition. O unspeakably Good One, fill my heart with Thy goodness! But above all, I pray Thee, grant that I may love Thee with all my heart and my neighbour as myself. Grant that I may be neither malicious, proud, presumptuous, nor disobedient, but grant that I may be gentle, humble, tenderly respectful, and obedient. Amen.

O, how carefully do the Devil and the world sow their tares in Christ’s cornfield, which is the Church of God. Instead of the Word of God, the word of the world, the word of vanity, is sown. Instead of the temple of God, the world has invented its own temples — the temples of the world’s vanities — theatres, circuses, assemblies. Instead of holy icons, which worldly people do not accept, in the world there are painted and photographic portraits, illustrations, and various other pictures. Instead of God and the Saints, the world honours unto adoration its own celebrities — writers, actors, singers, painters, who command general confidence and respect up to reverence. Poor Christians! they have completely fallen away from Christ! Instead of spiritual raiment, every attention is paid in the world to perishable clothing, to fashionable dresses, and various exquisite ornaments, both splendid and costly.

In sickness and, in general, during bodily infirmity, as well as in affliction, a man cannot in the beginning burn with faith and love for God, because in affliction and sickness the heart aches, whilst faith and love require a sound heart, a calm heart. This is why we must not very much grieve if during sickness and affliction we cannot believe in God, love Him, and pray to Him fervently as we ought to. Everything has its proper time. There may be an unfavourable time even for praying.

Behave to your neighbour with a perfect heart — that is, truthfully and with the same love as you would have for your own self, so that your neighbour, on his part, may love you in return; and even if he does not love you, he will at least respect in you your virtue, will honour it, and will himself emulate it.

Would a beggar, who is fed upon crumbs from his master’s table, be proud of being fed upon his crumbs? What is there for him to be proud of? Of his poverty? The beggar is myself, the master is the Lord; the crumbs from His table are all beneficial and natural gifts.

What is the sign that a Christian man is near to Christ? The man who is near to Christ often turns with faith and love to Christ; often pronounces His sweetest name; often calls upon Him for help; often turns his eyes, thoughts, and heart towards Him. Christ the Lord naturally reveals Himself upon his lips and in his glance, because without Christ he is powerless, joyless. The man who is far from Christ seldom, very seldom, turns his thoughts towards Christ, and even then not with hearty faith and love, but only through some necessity, and as to a person who is little known to him, who does not rejoice him, does not delight his heart, and who has no attraction for him. This is why we see that those who are near to Christ do not let Christ out of their thoughts and heart; they live in Him; He is their breath, food, drink, dwelling — everything. Through the sweetness of His name and His beneficial touch they, so to say, cleave to Him with their whole being: “My soul hangeth upon Thee.”³⁰ And in this cleaving they find unspeakable bliss, which the world does not know. Such are the signs by which it may be recognised who has found Christ and who has not yet found Him. Those who have not found Christ live in this life without hearty faith; they think and care more about worldly things — how to enjoy themselves, how to eat and drink pleasurably, how to dress exquisitely, how to satisfy their carnal desires, how to kill time, with which they do not know what to do, though time seeks them and, not finding them, quickly flies away before their eyes. Day flies away after day, night after night, month after month, year after year, until, finally, the last terrible hour strikes, and they hear a voice: “Stop, the course is finished; your time has been lost; your sins and iniquities have preceded you; they will fall upon you with all their power, and will crush you with their weight eternally.”

What does to seek distraction mean? It means to wish to somehow fill the sickly emptiness of the soul, which was created for activity, and which cannot bear to be idle.

Let all knowledge relating to religion or faith be as though always new to you, that is, having the same importance, holiness, and interest.

The Lord is the perfect Owner and Master of all creatures; and we know that His commands and His will are obeyed by all creatures: by the angels and by men having understanding hearts; by heaven, earth, and all that is in them, even by hell and all that is therein. He commands the angels, and they hasten to fulfil His will; He commands them to be guardians of new-born men, and they guard them during all their life, not transgressing His commands in anything. He commands the heavens, and they either give forth rain and dew, or snow and hail, or keep them back; He commands the winds, the waters, and they obey Him; He commands the fire, and it obeys Him; He commands the sun, and it is obscured or shines upon everything under it, warming and lighting it; He commands the earth, and it germinates various kinds of plants; He commands it to cease growing, and the growth ceases; He commanded the waters to flow unrestrainably upon the earth, and they did so, as in the time of the universal deluge; He commands the winds, and they blow, they rage furiously, and sometimes become destructive, as a punishment for our sins; He commanded the sea-whale to devour the prophet Jonah, and it was ready to seize him; He commanded the fishes to fill His disciples’ nets, and the fishes rushed into the nets, rushed to obey the Creator’s commands; He commands the dead to rise, to live again, and death flees from the man and life again appears in him; He commands the disease to leave a sick man, and the disease departs, and the sick man rises up healthy and sound; He commands the demons, and they obey incontestably. Great is the name of the Lord, praised be the name of the Lord, most glorious is the name of the Lord! He can change at His pleasure the objects created by Him; for instance, water into blood, water into wine, a rod into a living serpent; or, again, a rod into a living tree, a man into a pillar, as in the case of Lot’s wife; a serpent into gold, and, again, gold into a serpent, as the Lord did at the prayer of St. Spiridon of Trimiphunt.³¹ But the Lord’s power and sovereignty are especially manifested when He converts a sinful man into a holy chosen vessel after he had terribly fallen; when He restores, raises, and renews the depraved; when He gives life to the man who was dead in soul and body, and leads into eternal life him who had fallen into eternal death. This is indeed the miracle of miracles; this reveals the infinite mercy, wisdom, and omnipotence of the Lord in relation to His creatures; or, above all, that He Himself, the Lord of all creatures, the infinite, the uncontainable, was pleased and was able to become man for our salvation, and that “the Word, by whom all things were made, was made flesh, and dwelt among us,”³² living with men and being like unto man in everything, except sin. “The heavens were in awe, and the ends of the earth were astonished, that God appeared as man in the flesh.”³³ He conversed with men, loaded us with benefits, worked innumerable miracles, suffered (O, wonder!), died (O, awful wonder!), and rose again, raising with Himself us also, who were dead in Adam! I glorify Thy most merciful, holy, almighty, and most wise power, Lord! Show upon me, also, Lord, Thy wonderful power, and, by ways known unto Thee, save me, Thine unworthy servant, disregarding my trespasses, voluntary and involuntary, committed in knowledge or ignorance, guiding me ever in Thy way, and strengthening me upon this way by Thy grace, and through me the others for whom Thou hast placed me as a light, shepherd, teacher, and priest.

“When you partake of the immortal food and drink, the Body and Blood of the Lord, raise your grateful heart to the Lord and say: I thank Thee, Lord, Bread of Life and source of immortality, for giving unto us Thy Body and Blood for our food and drink, so that we, cleansed and sanctified here by them, may enter into Thine eternal kingdom — may eternally delight in the contemplation of Thy countenance and Thy blessed life! Do not suffer me, Lord, to care only for bodily food and drink; do not suffer me, Lord, to become attached to them, but grant that I may cleave to Thee alone. When you partake of perishable sweet things, thank the Lord, saying: I thank Thee, sweetness eternal, incomparable, infinitely surpassing all earthly sweetness, which are carnal and gross. Thou art the sweetness imperishable, life-giving, holy, tranquil, light, most peaceful, most joyful, inexhaustible; I thank Thee also for granting me these perishable sweet things to partake of and enjoy, so that through them I may learn, although only in part, how sweet Thou art, Thou who art all sweetness, and how greatly Thou art to be desired. Enlightened by the material light, say: Glory to Thee, light that never sets, most sweet, and giving joy to everything, for this perishable but beautiful light, for lighting us by this image of Thine inaccessible Divine light, so that from this material light our thoughts may unceasingly pass to Thee, the eternal Light that never sets, and may aspire to attain through purity of life to the most blessed contemplation of Thyself. When you breathe the air with your lungs, that vivifying and refreshing element, constantly necessary for the support of our perishable life, again raise yourself in thought to the life-giving Lord, the Holy Ghost, with the Father and the Son, by whom we live, move, and exist, thanking Him for uninterrupted breath, and know, that as the body cannot live without air, so your soul cannot for an instant lead the true life without the Holy Ghost, and by pure and temperate living strive constantly to be in communion with God Himself, for without Him the soul dies. Thus from every created thing or being raise yourself continually to the Creator; thank Him for everything, and do not cling to any creature, do not serve any creature more than the Creator Himself, for service or slavery to creatures and attachment to earthly things is idolatry.

Bring your heart in sacrifice to God, give it wholly to the Almighty, renounce yourself, and all sinful inclinations: malice, hatred, pride, disobedience, and self-will, envy, malevolence, malignancy, avarice, covetousness, gluttony, fornication, uncleanness, stealing, deceit, fulness, slothfulness, and others; and continually force yourself to be kind when others exasperate and offend you, to pray for your enemies, for meekness, humility, gentleness, truer benevolence, generosity, disinterestedness, abstinence, chastity, alms-giving, truth and righteousness, industry, obedience, and others. It is difficult to conquer the passions, which become as though our natural members (“Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth”³⁴), but by being continually watchful over yourself, by constant fervent prayer and abstinence, with the help of God you will be able to conquer and eradicate them. “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.”³⁵ I reverence even two or three praying together, for in accordance with the Lord’s promise He Himself is in the midst of them. I reverence still more a numerous congregation. Collective prayer is speedily fulfilled, and bears much fruit when it is united, unanimous (“gathered together in My name”). The assiduous prayer of the Church for the Apostle Peter immediately ascended before the throne of the Lord, and the Lord sent his angel to miraculously deliver Peter from the prison, whom Herod wished to destroy. The unanimous prayer of the Apostles Paul and Silas brought down upon them wonderful heavenly help from the Holy Ghost.³⁶

What darkness, what madness, what infirmity, and what a terrible deadly power is sin! Gazing upon faces because they are beautiful, we inwardly commit adultery; or we hate a man because his character does not agree with ours, because he has different passions to ours, because he has not the same disposition of spirit as ours, which is often not sinless, but passionate and vicious. Is the beauty of a face a reason to commit adultery — to sin? Should it not rather be a reason for praising the Creator, Who hath created man so beautifully? Is the fact of a man’s character or temper not agreeing with ours, of his not showing much indulgence to our pride and in general to our passions, of his not having the same disposition of spirit as ours, a reason for us to hate him? Has not everybody his own freewill, his own character, temperament, habits, passions, and ways? Ought we not to be indulgent to everyone, to respect everyone’s personal freedom, which even the Lord Himself does not violate?

It is unpleasant for a proud man when it is required of him to be humble to others; for an envious man when it is required of him to wish his enemies well; for a vindictive one when forgiveness and reconciliation are required of him; for one who loves money to be reminded of paying his debts; for a glutton when he is reminded of fasting and of the salvation of his soul. But they should conquer their feelings, their passions, and joyfully fulfil that which is required of them, or which is required by the Gospel; otherwise, by giving themselves up unrepentingly, irremediably to their passions, they will be eternally lost.

Glory to the power of Thy grace, Lord! Nothing, no effort of sin, can resist it in those who call upon it with faith. Thus, when subjected to the violence of the enemy of everything good — the Devil — and tempted by passions, I made the sign of the cross upon myself, saying inwardly, “Nothing can resist the power of Thy grace,” and the violence ceased, the trouble and oppression passed away, and were replaced by tranquillity and peace. Glory to Thy power, Lord!

“I am only the witness that I may bear witness before Him of all thou tellest me.”³⁷ The priests will be witnesses before the Saviour on the terrible day of judgment concerning sinners, whether they repented or did not repent of these or those sins, and they who were penitent will be forgiven. But why is it necessary for God to have witnesses when He Himself knows everything? As has been said: “He needed not that any should testify of man, for He knew what was in man.”³⁸ For God they are not necessary, but they are necessary for us. It will be pleasant for us to see how the priests will bear witness concerning us, before the angels and men, that we repented of our sins, condemned ourselves, expressed our loathing for sin, took the firm resolution not to sin. Remember the Saviour’s words to the Apostles: “Ye shall be brought before rulers and kings for My sake, for a testimony against them;”³⁹ or, “His Gospel of the Kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations.”⁴⁰

Grant me, Lord, grace to renounce myself, this devil that I have become by inheritance from Adam. Lord Jesus, the New Adam, change me; make a new man of me; let me be clothed in Thee.

“Every valley” and dale, “shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be brought low, and the crooked shall be made straight... and all flesh shall see the salvation of God.”⁴¹ The valley and dale are humble hearts. The mountain and hill shall be brought low — that is, proud men who think highly of themselves, and despise the lowly and humble. So it is: the Lord unceasingly acts through the spirit of righteousness and mercy in the hearts of men, humbling the proud by various worldly circumstances — by maladies, losses, humiliations from other people, and exalting the humble.

Flatterers are our greatest enemies. They blind our eyes, do not let us see our many defects, and thus hinder us upon the way to perfection, especially if we ourselves are self-loving and not far-seeing. This is why we must always stop those who flatter us, or avoid them. Woe unto him who is surrounded by flatterers! Happy is he who is surrounded by simplehearted people who do not hide the truth, although it may be unpleasant! For instance, when they detect his weaknesses, faults, passions, and mistakes.

He that is joined to God unfailingly, and as if naturally, loves his neighbour, because his neighbour is the image of God. And if he is a Christian, then he is also a child of God, a member of Christ, the God-man, and his own member besides. “For we are members one of another.”⁴² We are members of His Body, of His Flesh, and of His Bones.”⁴³ But he who loves God is indifferent to everything earthly — to food, drink, dainties, to earthly beauty, dress, fame. For he cannot serve two masters, for his heart is joined to the Lord; he is absorbed by Him, by his love for Him, and in the Lord everything earthly seems to vanish for him. Every worldly charm, even his own old sinful, passionate heart vanishes, and becomes united to God in one spirit. “He that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit,”⁴⁴ because he becomes enlightened in God, and sees the true value of all things earthly and heavenly, sees especially the vanity, the uselessness of everything earthly; the truth, the immeasurable superiority, and the eternity of spiritual blessings. He finds in God the cleansing from sins, and the holiness, peace, lightness, true freedom, and joy in the Holy Ghost which are natural to our spirit, but which we have lost. He also finds in God his natural spiritual food and drink, spiritual sweetness, spiritual raiment, shining, adorned, and white as snow, and unspeakable beauty, which will eternally enrapture him, inaccessible light which shall eternally light him, and an abode corresponding to his soul in like manner as he himself will be the abode of the Holy Trinity.

Lord! let my heart cling to Thee alone, and do not let it cling to anything earthly; for in earthly attachments there is sorrow, oppression, and torment. Let nothing earthly be dear to my heart, but grant that I may value Thee, the one Lord, above all, as well as everything heavenly, and the soul created after Thine image, immortal, reasonable, speaking, free, the breath of Thy mouth. Let nothing earthly — money, food, dress, rank, signs of distinction, etc. — become the idol of my heart. We must accustom ourselves to the simplest, least dainty of food, in order that the heart should not be allured by it, and even that in moderation, only for imparting strength.

The Lord was crucified for us on the cross. This is the reason why it, as well as the sign of the cross, has such power. This is why it is life-giving. This is why even in the Old Testament its symbol had such great power. The pole upon which the serpent was set cured those who were bitten by serpents; the cross, traced by Moses’s rod, separated the waters; Moses’s hands uplifted in prayer, and forming the cross, conquered Amalek, and so on.

As quickly as the pleasure of eating and drinking passes away in those sitting at table dining, for instance, so quickly shall pass, and passes away the present life, with all its pleasures, joys, sorrows, and sickness. It is like morning dew, vanishing at the appearance of the sun. Therefore the Christian, who is called to a heavenly country, who is only a stranger and a sojourner upon earth, ought not attach his heart to anything earthly, but should cling to God alone, the Source of life, our resurrection, and the Life eternal.

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