Library › St John of Kronstadt › My Life in Christ

My Life in Christ

St John of Kronstadt, tr. Goulaeff, 1897

Part 2, 5. pp. 351–370

You are ill, and your illness is very painful; you have become low-spirited and despondent; you are troubled and tossed with thoughts, each darker than the other; your heart and your lips are ready to murmur, to blaspheme God! My brother! listen to my sincere advice. Bear your illness bravely, and do not merely not despond, but on the contrary, rejoice, if you can, in your illness. You would ask me what there is for you to rejoice at when you are racked all over with pain? Rejoice that the Lord has sent you this temporary chastisement in order to cleanse your soul from sins. “For whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth.”¹ Rejoice in the fact that now you are not gratifying those passions which you would have gratified had you been in good health; rejoice that you are bearing the cross of sickness, and that therefore you are treading the narrow and sorrowful way leading to the kingdom of heaven. Maladies in our eyes only appear painful, unpleasant, and terrible. It is seldom that any one of us during the time of sickness represents to himself the profit which his illness brings to his soul; but in God’s all wise and most merciful Providence, not a single malady remains without some profit to our soul. Sicknesses in the hands of Providence are the same as bitter medicines for our soul, curing its passions, its bad habits and inclinations. Not a single malady sent to us shall return void. Therefore, we must keep in view the utility of sicknesses, in order that we may bear them more easily and more calmly. “He that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin,”² says the Holy Scripture.

The Lord’s love is greater than a mother’s love. My mother bore me in her womb, and by God’s ordering gave me birth. Afterwards she nourished me, fondled me, and carried me in her arms. When I was able to walk by myself she left off carrying me in her arms, and still earlier she ceased to feed me at her breast; whilst the Lord always, so to say, carries me in His bosom: “He that eateth My flesh and drinketh My blood, dwelleth in Me,” says He, “and I in him”;³ or “So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.”⁴ He always carries me in His arms: “I have graven thee upon the palms of My hands; thy walls are continually before Me,”⁵ “Upholding all things by the word of His power.”⁶ He is my power, my sweetness and my joy, the light of my mind and my heart. He constantly nourishes me with the many various products of the earth, as a mother nourishes her child. He is my “strong food and inexhaustible drink.”⁷ Our parents leave us and we them when we grow up, for it is said: “A man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife,”⁸ either in the literal sense of the words, or figuratively, to Christ, which is the highest and holiest love, greater than that of a loving wife; whilst the Lord, from the beginning of our existence until our death, does not leave us for a moment — “continually before Me,”⁹ every moment providing for us as a bird provides for her young ones. He is our hope even in death; He is our life after death; He is our consolation at His judgment. He will not cover us with shame even then,¹⁰ and will lead us into the eternal mansions of the heavenly kingdom.

My brothers and sisters who are preparing for Holy Communion!¹¹ let us fear hardened insensibility to our sins; let us fear the pride of our hearts, which says: “I do not need any forgiveness of sins; I am not guilty, I am not sinful”; or else: “My sins are trifling, they are only human ones” — as though it were necessary that they should be diabolical; or: “I do not feel amiss living in my sins.” This is the pride of Satan, and it is Satan himself speaking these words in our hearts. Let us feel deeply, deeply, with our whole hearts, our innumerable iniquities; let us sigh for them from the very depths of our souls; let us shed tears of contrition for them, in order to propitiate to mercy the Master, Whom we have angered. Let us not in the least justify ourselves like the Pharisees, the hypocrites: “For in Thy sight,” it is said, “shall no man living be justified;”¹² and we can only propitiate God to be merciful unto us by sincere repentance for our sins. Let us put aside indifference and coldness; let us labour unto the Lord with a fervent spirit. Do not let us forget that we have now come to propitiate the Master of our lives and our righteous Judge for a long period of our sinful lives. Is this, therefore, a time for any coldness and indifference, which are not approved of even in social intercourse, in our relations with our fellow-men? Ought not our soul, on the contrary, to be turned into a spiritual fire, and pour itself forth in tears of most heartfelt repentance? O, my God, my God! our iniquities have literally increased beyond the number of the hairs of our heads, above the number of the sand of the sea, and yet we do not feel them, we are indifferent to them; we even do not cease to love them. “If Thou, Lord, shouldst mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?”¹³ Grant, Lord, unto us all a contrite spirit and a humble heart, so that we may offer to Thee true penitence. Amen.

When your faith in the Lord, either during your life and prosperity, or in the time of sickness and at the moment of quitting this life, grows weak, grows dim from worldly vanity or through illness, and from the terrors and darkness of death, then look with the mental eyes of your heart upon the companies of our forefathers, the patriarchs, prophets, and righteous ones — St. Simeon, who took the Lord up in his arms, Job, Anna the Prophetess, and others; the Apostles, prelates, venerable Fathers, martyrs, the disinterested, the righteous, and all the saints. See how, both during their earthly life and at the time of their departure from this life, they unceasingly looked to God and died in the hope of the resurrection and of the life eternal, and strive to imitate them. These living examples, which are so numerous, are capable to strengthen the wavering faith of every Christian in the Lord and in the future life. Those Christian communions who do not venerate the saints and do not call upon them in prayer lose much in piety and in Christian hope. They deprive themselves of the great strengthening of their faith by the examples of men like unto themselves.

When your spirit is dejected during sickness, and begins to represent to you the terrors of death, then tranquillise and comfort your troubled, trembling, and sorrowful heart by the following words: “Thou, O Lord, in the depths of Thy wisdom and love to men, orderest everything and givest unto all everything that is profitable for them,” and believe that He will unfailingly order everything for your good, whether it be life, sickness, misfortune, sorrow, or death, so that you could not even desire better. Do not say: “It is early for me to die. I would have wished to live a little longer for the glory of God. for the advantage of my relatives and neighbours. I should have liked to look a little longer upon the world, to enjoy earthly blessings.” Be thankful to God for having enjoyed up till now His blessings, favours, and bounties. Now submit to His will, to His call, but at the same time do not despair of the continuation of your earthly life.

Through faith and love, through the prayer of faith and love, I can include both God and men in my heart. How deep and vast is the human heart! How great is man!

A true shepherd and father of his flock will live in their grateful memory even after his death. They will extol him; and the less he cares to be extolled here on earth on account of his zealous labours for their salvation, the more his glory shall shine after his death: even when he is dead he will make them speak of him. Such is the glory of those who labour for the common good.

You are a being who has fallen of your own free will, corrupted by sins; this ought to be the most powerful incentive for you to prayer. You daily receive the greatest mercies from God; this ought to be a powerful incentive to thank God. You daily contemplate the works of the omnipotence, wisdom and goodness of God; this ought also to be an incentive to daily praise.

On the manifestation of the pride of Satan in men. — Pride generally shows itself chiefly in the fact that the man who is infected with it makes himself equal to all, or at any rate to many, who are his superiors in age, power, abilities, and cannot bear to be considered beneath them. If a proud man is a subordinate, he does not respect his chief as he ought, does not like to salute him, does not respect his orders, but fulfils them unwillingly, only out of fear. He makes himself equal to all educated people, and does not acknowledge anyone’s superiority over himself, or only acknowledges the superiority of a very, very few indeed. If he is a learned or even an unlearned son, he does not pay due respect to his parents and benefactors, especially those who are simple and rough, considering them equal to or even lower than himself. You must take the utmost care not to compare yourself with others in any respect, but always to put yourself below others, although you may really be better or equal to others in some respects. Everything good in us comes from God and is not our own. “And that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.”¹⁴ “All these worketh that One and the self-same Spirit, dividing to every man severally as He will.”¹⁵ And how can we be proud of the good that does not belong to us and equal ourselves to those who have been placed by God and general confidence higher than us? “Therefore, sit not down in the highest room, lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden. For everyone that exalteth himself shall be abased; and He that humbleth himself shall be exalted.”¹⁶

When we speak of the God of glory, of His will, of His law, then we must entirely forget our own glory and be completely absorbed in the contemplation of the glory of God or of His most wise, all-gracious will. At such times we should not think of our own imperfections, which the Devil puts into our mind and feeling in order to lower us in our own eyes and to plunge us into false shame, despondence, and despair. We must remember that there is no perfection in anything upon earth, nor in any earthly glory: “For we know in part, and we prophesy [preach] in part.”¹⁷ And he who is ashamed and blushes for his imperfection is ashamed of a phantom, appearing to him in his own imagination, and is proud of his imaginary perfections.

I have seen and heard men relate maliciously and malevolently the dark spots in the life and activity of great and even holy men, and condemn, on account of such imaginary or real dark spots, the whole life of such men, calling them hypocrites and almost apostates. They will even present to you facts; only these facts are as dark and doubtful as their own suspicious, cunning souls, which would like to find an imaginary justification for their own vicious deeds in the spots, sins, and weaknesses of others. But such people do not justify themselves, but only increase their own condemnation by beholding the mote in their brother’s eye and judging him, not considering the beam (truly a beam) in their own eye.¹⁸ You say: “There are such and such sins in this holy father, or in that pious man.” What of that? He is a man, and no man is sinless. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”¹⁹ Are you yourself sinless? If not, then why do you cast the stone of condemnation at your brother? If I were to examine your life, in accordance with the Word of God, I should convict you by your own words of innumerable and grievous sins: of pride, presumption, unbelief, love of money, adultery, and of the misinterpretation of the Word of God and of God’s commandments, of coldness to your faith, and of what not besides. I should perhaps find that the whole of your body is dark, because the eye of your heart is evil. O, how revolting to me is this devilish rejoicing at the sins of your neighbour, these infernal endeavours to prove their real or imaginary weaknesses! And yet people who act thus dare to say that they respect and strive with all their might to fulfil the commandment concerning love for God and their neighbour! What sort of love is it, when they intentionally wish to see and find dark spots even in great and holy persons — when they blacken the whole life of such persons for a single sin, and do not wish to hide their neighbour’s sin, if, indeed, it really exists? Have they forgotten that “charity endureth all things”?²⁰ What an amount of evil these moral worms do themselves and others! They prejudice the lawful respect of others for a renowned person, darken his light for them, hinder them from imitating him, and trouble their minds with thoughts of condemnation; and harm themselves, too, by receiving from the Devil the poison of judging their neighbour. Brother! “Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? To his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.”²¹

Having invoked the Holy Ghost upon the Holy gifts lying before you, and having sanctified them by the prayer of consecration (during the Liturgy), remember that heaven and earth shall pass away, but the words of the Lord shall not pass away;²² and that the bread and wine have absolutely changed into the Body and Blood of the Lord, by the will of the Lord Himself and by the operation of the Holy Ghost, even if the officiating priest should be unworthy through any infirmity.

Concerning forcing ourselves to all that is good. — “The kingdom of heaven,” it is said, “suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.”²³ Therefore it is necessary to continually force ourselves to truth and goodness; when praying, we must every moment force ourselves to pronounce each word with power, truly from the heart. In case of negligence, inattention to our heart, of our not forcing ourselves to sincerity, the prayer will be hypocritical, false, and impious; we must say the words of the prayer persuasively to ourselves. If the words of the prayer are persuasive to our own selves, then they will also be persuasive to God; but without persuading yourself do not think to persuade God by your prayer to grant you any blessing you ask for. God will grant us according to our own heart:²⁴ the more sincerity, the more heartfelt fervour we have when praying, the more bountiful will be the gift.

Remember, man, that you are morally and physically nothing: morally because you are wholly sin, passion, infirmity; physically, because your body is earthly dust. In order to manifest their humility before God in a lively and evident manner, people in the olden times, and even some people in the present time, express this by sprinkling ashes upon their heads and laying aside their gay apparel, which feeds vanity and pride in the immortal human spirit. Remember, therefore, man, that even the smallest good in you comes from God, just as the smallest current of air within you or which you breathe comes from the air surrounding you.

Glory to the most Holy, consubstantial and life-giving Trinity! When the Devil oppresses me with displeasure or hatred against my neighbour for any worldly, carnal reason, and I feel distressed and tormented, I rise up, and lifting the eyes of my heart to the Holy Trinity, I say: “Father, Son, and most Holy Spirit, have mercy upon me,” whilst I myself look upon the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost as upon the very substance of the most Holy Trinity, essentially present everywhere, even in a single word, and immediately I feel easy, and the enemy flees before the Almighty, everlastingly worshipped Name, and vanishes like smoke. “Glory to Thee, most Holy, consubstantial, life-giving, and undivided Trinity.”²⁵ Most Holy Trinity! teach me how to despise all earthly things, teach me to lay my peace, satisfaction, and blessedness in Thee alone! And in order that I may not be puffed up on account of the merciful attention of the most Holy Trinity to me, and of the salvation granted unto me, may I remember that the Holy Trinity is mercifully attentive to every worm, to every little bird! Let me also remember that some Christians who have done many mighty works in the name of God will some day hear from the Lord the words: “Depart from Me, I know you not,”²⁶ on account of their un-evangelical life. Most Holy Trinity! preserve me from pride, and teach me humility! Thou hearest me and savest me, mercifully and speedily. I may become proud through such mercy. I may turn Thine infinite goodness and mercy into a pretext for self-praise, as though I myself were worthy of such attention, as though I had done some good. Protect me, most Merciful Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, “under the cover of Thy wings,” from every sin.

When you pronounce to yourself in your heart the name of God, of the Lord, or that of the most Holy Trinity, or of the Lord God of Sabbaoth, or of the Lord Jesus Christ, then in that Name you have the Lord’s whole being: in it is His infinite mercy, His boundless wisdom, His inaccessible light, omnipotence, and immutability. Approach this all-creative, all-keeping, and all-ruling Name in your thoughts and heart with the fear of God, and with faith and love. This is why God’s commandment strictly forbids us to use God’s name in vain, because His name is Himself, one God in three Persons, an incomplex Being, represented and contained in one single word, although at the same time He is not contained or limited either by it or by anything that exists.

This present life is not a jest nor a plaything, although men have turned it into a jest and a plaything. They heedlessly play with time, given for preparation for eternity; they play with idle words. They assemble at their friends’, sit and talk idly, and then begin to play at something. They go to theatres, and there both the performers and the spectators only amuse themselves. Others amuse themselves with their mental gifts, with human infirmities or virtues, with the capability of speaking or writing well. Some even amuse themselves with food and drink, using them in excess instead of only using them for satisfying the necessities of hunger and thirst. Some amuse themselves with their clothes, with their faces; they amuse themselves with their children, instead of educating them in faith, piety, and the fear of God. Their whole life is an amusement. But woe unto those who thus amuse themselves!

O, how fearful it is to use food and drink for amusement, to eat and drink in excess! A full stomach makes a man lose faith and the fear of God, and makes him unfeeling in prayer, thanksgiving, and praise to God. A satiated heart turns away from the Lord, and becomes as hard and unfeeling as a stone. This is why the Saviour carefully warns us against surfeiting and drunkenness: “And so that day come upon you unawares,”²⁷ because of the wrath of the Lord upon us for heedlessly and idly spending the time in eating and drinking.

In proportion as a man gratifies his sensuality, he becomes carnal, and drives away from himself the most Holy Spirit of God, Who cannot dwell in those who lead a carnal life. “What communion hath light with darkness?”²⁸ Such a state, worthy of tears, is experienced by very many; but, alas! they do not even recognise that they have not the Spirit of God in them — just the same as a man blind from birth is not conscious of his great loss in not seeing the light. Such men have neither faith nor love in their hearts, nor the spirit of prayer, and they avoid communion with the Church. My God, how many dangers there are in life for me! When I gratify my flesh too much, I become my greatest enemy.

Remember that the celebration of the life-giving Mysteries is the unchangeable assent of the life-giving Trinity, predetermined from the creation of the world: it cannot but be. When you are celebrating the Mysteries, God the Father Himself, by His Holy Ghost, changes the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of our Lord and God and Saviour Jesus Christ — you are only an instrument. The Father Himself, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, celebrates through you the Liturgy, and consecrates the Holy Gifts. “Thou art He that offerest, and art offered,” it is said, “Christ our God.”²⁹ Remember, therefore, the immutability of God and the truth in all His words.

You will only worthily perform the sacrament of penitence when you will be soul-loving and not gain-loving, when you will be patient and not irritable. O, what great love for our neighbours’ souls is necessary in order to confess them worthily, patiently, not hurriedly, and without growing angry! The priest who confesses should remember that “joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth.”³⁰ How zealously he should, therefore, strive to awaken feelings of repentance in those who confess to him, and who sometimes do not even know what to repent of as they ought! The priest should also remember how the Apostle, night and day, with tears warned every one of the newly-enlightened Christians.³¹ Every thought of gain in the service of God ought to be entirely thrown aside, trusting to God alone, the soul-lover, for recompense. Question concerning the sins, and teach with firmness and sincerity, and not indolently or with a divided heart. A firm word will call forth firm repentance, will speedily pierce the heart and draw forth tears of emotion and heartfelt contrition; but if the priest does not question firmly concerning the sins, but indolently and insincerely, then his spiritual children also, seeing the indolence and double-mindedness of their spiritual father, are not disposed to confess heartily, sincerely.

Represent to yourself, as far as lies in your power, the omnipotence and the great splendour of the personal Word of God. He speaks, and His word immediately becomes manifold and multifarious existences. He says: “Let there be light,” and there is light. He says: “Let there be a firmament,” and He makes the firmament. He says: “Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place.... Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven.... Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life,” and so on, “and it was so,”³² according to His word. Thus the voice of a chief, resounding through the air and reaching the soldiers’ hearing, moves the troops according to the will of the chief, placing them in various positions, making them perform various evolutions, and attaining through them the fulfilment of his various intentions and purposes. Represent to yourself these masses of created matter. Imagine how the enormous mountains rose up from the earth in accordance with the word of God; what the noise of the waters must have been when they gathered together into oceans, seas, rivers, and sources. Imagine how the air was diffused, how the most varied vegetation suddenly appeared at a single word of the all-creating God. Represent to yourself how the planets appeared and shone, and how they began to perform their infinite revolutions; how the fishes, birds, reptiles suddenly appeared, and, lastly, man. And all these (excepting man) were created from one and the same formless matter, or, to speak more precisely, from only four soulless, formless, inanimate elements. O, does not all this make the mind marvel? “O Lord, how manifold are Thy works! in wisdom hast Thou made them all!”³³ Thus even now the Master creates everything that He pleases from matter: He says, and it is done. He changes the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of the Eucharist.

You are a being endued with speech. Remember that you derive your origin from the word of the Creator of all things, and that in union (through faith) with the creative Word, by means of faith, you can yourself be a material and spiritual creator. Believe that by your faith in the creative word of the Father, your own word, too, shall not return to you vain, powerless (when, for instance, you pray to God, the Benefactor, in accordance with the holy Church’s direction or the Lord’s guidance), but it shall bring you the gift necessary for good deeds; believe that through faith in the creative Word you will not be unsuccessful in teaching people either in the temple during Divine service, or during the celebration of the sacraments in private houses; neither shall your teaching in schools be unsuccessful, but it shall rouse up the minds and hearts of those listening to you.

Remember that the possibility of the deed is contained in the word itself; it is only necessary to have faith in the power of the word in its creative faculty. With the Lord the deed is inseparable from the word. Not a single word addressed to Him shall return void: “For with God nothing shall be impossible.”³⁴ It ought to be the same with us; for we are images of the Word, and the Word is most truly united with us through His incarnation, making us godly and partakers of the Divine nature.

By opening unto others the gates into the kingdom of heaven through baptism, shall we not enter in ourselves? By cleansing others through penitence and absolving them from their sins, shall we not obtain remission of our sins? By uniting others with Christ in the Sacrament of the Holy Communion, shall we not ourselves be most truly united with Him “on the nightless day of Christ’s kingdom”? By bestowing upon others in the Sacrament of Chrism the strengthening and generative grace of the Holy Ghost, shall we not obtain strength and power ourselves from the most Holy Spirit, and shall we not ourselves grow in spiritual gifts? Truly we firmly hope to receive the promised blessings by the grace, bountifulness, and love to men of God our Saviour. God grant that we may all receive them! Only do not let us become slothful, despondent; do not let us “make provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof”;³⁵ but let us hold “the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience,”³⁶ and let us progress in love for God and our neighbour.

When you doubt in the accomplishment or fulfilment of any word of prayer, remember that the nature of the word is accomplishment, realisation, and that the Holy Ghost, teaching us to pray for anything as we ought,³⁷ is Himself called the Accomplisher. It is He also Who accomplishes our prayer (accomplished by the Spirit). Remember that the word is power. “With God,” it is said, “nothing shall be impossible.”³⁸ The word of the Lord “shall not return unto Him void,”³⁹ but, like rain or snow, it shall water the earth of our hearts, and shall give seed (the fulfilment) to the sower. Even of men people say: “His word has extraordinary power.” You see, therefore, that the word is power, spirit, life.

When you pronounce the powerful commanding, creative words of the Lord Himself, then consider their fulfilment as easy and usual a matter as it is easy and usual for you to breathe or to take, as easy and usual as it is for an infant to be formed in its mother’s womb, and even incomparably easier.

In order that you should have steadfast assurance during prayer, of receiving every spiritual blessing from the Lord, believe that by uniting yourself unto the Lord during your prayer you become one spirit with Him,⁴⁰ and that God is most gracious, almighty, and most wise. He is all-perfect perfection, therefore you, too, according to your receptivity, according to your faith and love, will become a partaker of His Divine perfections. In the union of your soul with God, do not consider anything impossible or difficult of fulfilment, “for with God all things are possible”⁴¹ — not only the things which you can think of, or are thinking of, but also those which you cannot think of, or which you think of as impossible, for God is an infinite Being, and all His perfections are infinite.

If you doubt of obtaining the blessings you ask of God, then remember at least that even you, being evil and avaricious, and not rich, not almighty, give to those in want who ask of you, and sometimes even before they ask you, when you only know of their need. “How much more shall your Father Which is in heaven,” who is most gracious, most rich, most wise and almighty, “give good things to them that ask Him.”⁴²

The greater the number of persons for whom one asks blessings of the Lord, and the higher are these blessings, the more violently the Devil opposes the priest praying, in order that God should not grant these blessings at his earnest, fervent prayers; for, “According to your faith,” it is said, “be it unto you,”⁴³ and “all things are possible to him that believeth.”⁴⁴ However, where the snares of the Devil abound, there also the grace of God abounds.

He who prays should remember that if God spared not even His own Only Begotten Son for us sinners, but gave Him for us all, then how will He not give us everything, every imaginable blessing? For if the infinite greatest blessing has been given to us, then will not lesser blessings be also granted unto us? Our Heavenly Father gives us every blessing in Christ. “His Divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him.”⁴⁵

During prayer, when the Devil violently tempts you, cast all your care upon the Lord, “for He careth for you.”⁴⁶ During prayer only have faith in the Lord, Who is at your right hand, and all things shall be possible unto you.

When you sin for the fiftieth and hundredth time in the day, and are seized with the most devilish despondency, and despair in God’s mercy, say, from the depths of your soul, with Metaphrastes: “I know well, O Lord, that mine iniquities have gone over my head; but I also know that without measure is the multitude of Thy bounties, and unspeakable is the mercy of Thy great goodness, and no sin is there that can overcome Thy loving-kindness. Therefore, O most wonderful King, O Lord most good, do Thou show Thy mercies in me, a sinner; manifest in me the power of Thy goodness and the might of Thy loving-kindness, and receive me who turn to Thee. Accept me as Thou didst the prodigal, the thief, and the sinful woman. Accept me, though in word and in deed, by my evil passions and unreasonable imaginations, I have sinned without measure against Thee. But, O Lord, O Lord, rebuke me not in Thy righteous wrath; neither chasten me in Thy hot displeasure. Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for, though I am weak, I am also Thy creature. Thou, O Lord, hast established Thy fear in me, and yet I have done evil in Thy sight. O Lord my God, I have put my trust in Thee. If there is any hope of salvation for me, if Thy loving mercy can overcome the multitude of my transgressions, be Thou my Saviour, and, according to Thy goodness and mercy, loosen, remit, and forgive all wherein I have sinned; for my soul is full of trouble and there is no hope of salvation in me. Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Thy loving-kindness; deal not with me according to my sins: but turn, preserve, and deliver my soul from the evils besetting it, and from all its wicked undertakings. Save me for Thy mercy’s sake, that where sin abounded Thy grace may much more abound, and I will glorify Thee always, all the days of my life. For Thou art the God of the penitent, and the Saviour of sinners.”⁴⁷

Remember that if you do not speak idly during prayer, but say the words of the prayer with feeling, then your words shall not return to you void, without power (like the husk without the grain), but shall unfailingly bring you those same fruits which are contained in the word, as the fruit is enclosed in the shell. This is a most natural thing, as natural and common as the fruit and its shell in nature. But if you scatter the words to no purpose, without faith, without feeling their power, like the shell without the kernel, then they will return to you empty, in the same way as if you were to scatter the shell, the shell would return to you; but if you scatter seed, the full ears of corn will return to you; and the better, the richer are your seeds, the fuller shall be the ears of corn. It is the same with our prayers: the more sincerely, the more heartily each word is pronounced, the greater will be the fruit of the prayer. Each word, like a grain, shall bring you spiritual fruit, like a ripe ear of corn. Which of those who pray has not experienced this? It was not without reason that the Saviour compared the seed with the word, and the human heart with the ground.⁴⁸ The same applies to the words of the prayer. Also, who does not know that the rain moistens the ground and plants and waters them? Likewise, the word of God, and even our own word spoken with faith, shall not return to us without watering our own soul or the souls of others who are obedient and believing. This is just as natural as it is natural for rain to water and fructify the ground and plants, and to assist their growth.

He who becomes irritated against another on account of something material, places a material object above his brother. But what can be higher than man? Nothing on earth is higher.

When you pray, endeavour to pray more for others than for yourself alone, and during prayer represent to yourself vividly all men as forming one body with yourself, and each separately as a member of the Body of Christ and your own member, “for we are members one of another.”⁴⁹ Pray for all as you would pray for yourself, with the same sincerity and fervour; look upon their infirmities and sicknesses as your own; their spiritual ignorance, their sins and passions, as your own; their temptations, misfortunes, and manifold afflictions as your own. Such prayer will be accepted with great favour by the Heavenly Father, that most gracious, common Father of all, with Whom “there is no respect of persons,”⁵⁰ “no variableness,”⁵¹ that boundless Love that embraces and preserves all creatures.

It is a wonderful thing! Our soul, upon coming into contact with one who is unbelieving and cold towards God, feels an aversion to him, and the Devil endeavours to turn this just dislike and indignation into a feeling of malice. In order not to cherish malice, and not to serve the Devil by it, we must say to ourselves: “I feel a dislike and coldness towards my brother for his aversion and coldness to God, but I do not feel hatred or malice against him, for I bear with him as my own sick member, and I wish to cure him in meekness, instructing him that opposes himself, ‘if God peradventure will give them [him] repentance to the acknowledging of the truth.’⁵² If he turns to God, I shall turn to him, also, with heartfelt love; if he becomes compassionate towards others, and does not think of himself alone, of his own advantage and pleasures, then I, too, shall sympathise with him.” Besides this, bear lovingly with everybody, and look more upon yourself, what you yourself are; are you not cold and indifferent to God and your neighbour yourself? If so, then there is no reason for you to cast a stone at your brother, when this stone should be directed against yourself.

“God came upon earth in order to raise us up to heaven.”⁵³ It would seem, after this, that even when living upon earth we must live as if in the heavenly kingdom, dwelling there in anticipation by hope. But in reality, for the greater part, the contrary is the case. Men cling with their whole being to the earth and everything earthly. Wherefore? Because our common enemy, the Devil, endeavours with all his might to oppose the intentions of the God-man, Christ. He endeavours to do everything in opposition to what Christ did and does. Christ wishes to raise men up to heaven, and has given them all the means to attain this; whilst the Devil, who himself for his pride was cast down from heaven into the dominions of the air, wishes by every means to attach men to earthly, sensual, transitory things, and, in order to attain this end, he employs the most powerful, most prodigious means. Christ taught us truth; the Devil teaches us falsehood, and strives in every way to contradict every truth; devising various calumnies against it. The Devil endeavours by every means to keep men in error, in the enticement of the passions, in darkness of mind and heart; in pride, avarice, covetousness, envy, hatred, wicked impatience and irritation; in evil despondence, in the abominations of fornication, adultery, theft, false-witness, blasphemy, negligence, slothfulness, and sluggishness.

Bear in your heart continually the words “Christ is Love,” and endeavour to love all, sacrificing for the sake of love, not only your possessions, but even yourself.

The root of every evil is a self-loving heart, or self-pity, self-sparing; it is from self-love, or from excessive and unlawful love for oneself, that all the passions proceed: coldness, insensibility, hard-heartedness towards God and our neighbour, wicked impatience or irritability, hatred, envy, avarice, despondency, pride, unbelief, incredulity, greediness after food and drink, or gluttony; the love of money, vanity, slothfulness, hypocrisy. Never pity yourself in anything, crucify yourself — your old man, nestling chiefly in the flesh — and you will strike at the root of all your passions. Bear patiently all that is unpleasant to your flesh; do not spare it, go against it, and you will become a true follower of the Christ. The whole wisdom of a Christian consists in his wisely going against his flesh in everything during his lifetime. “For I know that in me [that is, in my flesh] dwelleth no good thing,”⁵⁴ says the Apostle.

The heart of a perfectly healthy man becomes weakened for faith and love to God and his neighbour, and easily gives itself up to carnal desires: to slothfulness, negligence, coldness, gluttony, avarice, fornication, pride; whilst the heart of a sick man, or a wounded, oppressed, weary heart, is strengthened in faith, hope, and love, and is far removed from carnal passions. This is why the Heavenly Father, Who careth for our salvation, chastises us by various sicknesses. The oppression and afflictions of sickness make us turn again to God.

To love your neighbour as yourself, to sympathise with him in his joy and sorrow, to feed, clothe him, if he is in need of food and clothing; to breathe, so to say, the same air with him — look upon all this as the same thing as feeding and warming yourself, and do not count these as virtues or as works of love to your neighbour, lest you grow proud of them. “For we are members one of another.”⁵⁵

I marvel at the omnipotence and wisdom of God — how He has created out of the one same earth and water the many and diverse parts of my body: flesh, blood, skin, bones, hair, lungs, liver, veins, eyes, ears, everything. How He set into motion this matter, inert and motionless in itself, and how the regular movements of the blood, juices, and liquids, separation of food, etc., are now uninterruptedly accomplished within me. Wonderful are Thy works, O Lord, “in wisdom hast Thou made them all.”⁵⁶ You have no words to declare the wisdom, goodness, and omnipotence of God the Creator and Provider — ask them of the Word of God. And what a variety there is of heavenly and earthly creatures, animate and inanimate, created from the four elements! “Such knowledge is too wonderful and excellent for me, I cannot attain unto it.”⁵⁷

I think; but for God to think and to create or change is one and the same thing, because He is That Which Is, an incomplex and almighty Being. Owing to His very incomplexity, everything is possible to Him in a single moment. The Lord has spoken — and this is sufficient for one to believe without any doubt that a certain thing is precisely what He has said. Doubt is impossible. The Godhead would not be Godhead, if It were not almighty. “As for our God, He is in heaven: He hath done whatsoever pleased Him.”⁵⁸ He wishes, and it is. He wished that water should flow from the rock, and it flowed; He wished that there should be a world out of nothing, and it appeared. His works prove that He is almighty. Come and see.

Try to turn your whole life into service to God; if you are reading anything at home, begin this work by a short fervent prayer that God may teach you and make you wise in faith and piety and in the careful accomplishment of your duties; never read idly, in order to pass the time; by thus doing you lower the word, which should serve entirely for our salvation, and not for idle words, nor as a means for pleasure and spending time agreeably. If you talk to your neighbour, speak reasonably, prudently, instructively, edifyingly; avoid idle speaking as the poison of a serpent, remembering that “every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment”⁵⁹ — that is, they shall hear the just sentence of the Judge. If you are teaching children, your own or those of others, turn this work into God’s service, teaching them zealously, considering beforehand the best means of making the instruction clear, comprehensible, complete (as far as possible), and fruitful. Conquer by the name of the Lord and by the sign of the cross the snares of the enemy, who endeavours to disturb, darken, oppress, and weaken you. Even when you eat, drink, or do anything else lawful, “do all to the glory of God.”⁶⁰

In every word is God the Word, an incomplex Being. How carefully we must therefore pronounce the words, with what humility, how prudently, in order not to anger God the Word, together with the Father and the Holy Ghost!

My Master, Lord Jesus Christ! my swift, most speedy Intercessor, Who never lettest me be ashamed! I thank Thee from my whole heart for having mercifully heard me when I called unto Thee in my darkness, straitness, and when I was in the flames of the enemy; for having delivered me most speedily, mightily, and graciously from my enemies, and for having given unto my heart graciousness, ease, light! O, my Lord, in what distress I was from the snares of the enemy! how opportunely hast Thou shown me Thy help, and how manifestly and almightily hast Thou succoured me! I glorify Thy mercy, Master, speedy to hear us; Hope of the despairing, I glorify Thee, that Thou hast not let my face be ashamed, but hast mercifully delivered me from the darkness and ignominy of hell. How after this can I ever at any time despair of Thy hearing me and having mercy upon me a sinner? I shall always, always call upon Thy sweetest name, my Saviour; Thou, O incalculable Bountifulness, save me as Thou hast ever done before in Thy immeasurable compassion, for Thy name is Lover of men and Saviour!

Do not believe your flesh when it grows weak and refuses to serve you on the pretence of not being sufficiently strengthened by food. This is a delusion. Overcome it; pray fervently, and you will see that the weakness of your body was false, imaginary, not real: you will see in truth that “men shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.”⁶¹ Do not put your trust in bread.

It is said: “Christ on earth, be lifted up.”⁶² This signifies that he who believes in Christ’s coming upon earth, in His incarnation, and in all His loving care for our salvation, does not cling to the earth, but continually raises himself up to heaven in mind and heart; his will continually aspires upwards to God, to heavenly blessings, and is not allured by earthly delights, by earthly splendour, riches, and honours. Unfortunately, we have but little faith in Christ, and try to combine our love for the world with love for Christ, earthly attachments with love for God. These things are incompatible! “If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself”⁶³ of everything he is passionately attached to in the world, and let him hate his own sin-loving soul. (December 24th, 1869.)

My God! how the love and sincere sympathy of our neighbour towards us rejoices our hearts! Who shall describe this blessedness of the heart, penetrated with the feeling of others’ love towards me, and my love to others? It is indescribable! If here on earth mutual love so rejoices us, then with what sweetness of love shall we be filled in heaven, when we shall dwell with God, with the Mother of God, with the heavenly powers, with God’s saints? Who can imagine and describe such bliss, and what earthly temporal things should we not sacrifice in order to obtain the unutterable bliss of heavenly love? God, Thy name is Love! Teach me true love, strong as death. I have most plenteously tasted its sweetness from my communion in the spirit of faith, in Thee, with Thy faithful servants, and have obtained plenteousness of peace and life through it. Strengthen, O God, that which Thou hast created in me. O, had it ever been thus all the days of my life! Grant that I may oftener be in the communion of faith and love with Thy faithful servants, with Thy temples, with Thy Church, with Thy members!

My sweetest Saviour! having come down from heaven for the service of mankind, Thou didst not only preach the Word of Heavenly Truth in the temple, but Thou wentest through the towns and villages; Thou didst not shun anyone; Thou visitedst the houses of all, especially of those whose fervent repentance Thou didst foresee with Thy Divine gaze. Thus Thou didst not remain sitting at home, but wert in loving intercourse with all. Grant to us, too, to be in such loving intercourse with Thy people, so that we pastors should not shut ourselves up in our houses away from Thy sheep as if in castles or prisons, only coming out of them for services in the church or to officiate in the houses of others, only out of duty, only with prayers learned by heart. May our lips be freely opened to discourse with our parishioners in the spirit of faith and love. May our Christian love for our spiritual children be opened and strengthened by animated, free, and fatherly conversation with them. O what sweetness, what bliss Thou hast concealed, Lord, our boundless Love, in the spiritual converse warmed by love of a spiritual father with his spiritual children! And how is it possible not to strive upon earth with all our might after such bliss? Yet it is only a faint beginning, only a faint likeness of the heavenly bliss of love! Especially love the communion of good works, both material and spiritual. “To do good and to communicate forget not.”⁶⁴

When the Devil disturbs you by unbelief in the Holy Mysteries, saying, “It is impossible that bread and wine should be the Body and Blood of Christ,” say to him, “Yes, it is impossible for you and me — you are right — but not for God; ‘for with God all things are possible.’”⁶⁵ With God the thought itself is deed. “Said... and it was so.”⁶⁶ He speaks, and it is. Short and clear. And all the worlds stand by the Word of God. “Upholding all things by the word of His power.”⁶⁷ Do not the feet wish to stand above the body and, strange to say, teach the Creator of all things? Is it possible to doubt in the existence of that of which our own experience and the visible and invisible world assure us? In what does the mystery of the existence of all creatures consist? In the Word of the Creator. “Said... and it was so.” Everything proceeded from the Word, all the infinite different varieties of creatures from the almighty, most-wise, all-merciful Word of God, not from anything else. Examples are also given to you in the Scriptures as to how rapidly everything was created by the sovereign word of God: the waters were turned into blood at the voice of Moses, the dust of the earth into lice, a rod into a serpent; his hand was covered with leprosy, and then suddenly cured or restored; light was turned into a darkness that might be felt; Moses only stretched forth his hand, and in an instant the Lord changed the substance of things; the land of Egypt was covered with frogs when Aaron stretched forth his hand over the waters at Moses’s bidding; again Moses took ashes in his hand and sprinkled it towards heaven, and men and beasts were covered with blains; Moses only stretched forth his rod toward heaven, and the Lord sent thunder and hail.⁶⁸ Come and see. How easy it is for the Lord to create and to change everything! Does not the same Lord act through us priests, and with us as well? The Lord Himself is here, the Lord Who was incarnate for us, and Who is the Mediator and the Accomplisher of all. “For Thou art He that offerest and art offered, and receivest and art distributed.”⁶⁹ The priest only says the words, stretches forth his hand, and the Lord changes everything.

Remember that the intellect is the servant of the heart, which is our life; if it leads the heart to truth, peace, joy, and life, then it fulfils its destination, it is the truth; but if it leads the heart to doubt, disturbance, torment, despondency, darkness, then it does not fulfil its destination and is absolutely false (“science falsely so called.”⁷⁰) If the heart feels peace, joy, ease from faith in anything, this is quite sufficient; it is unnecessary, then, to require from the reason proofs of the truth of such an object; it is undoubtedly true the heart asserts it by its life, for the purpose of all investigations is truth and life.

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